My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Randomize
