There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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