you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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