Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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