Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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