It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
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