Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
