I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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