There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
