She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
