Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
