Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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