You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
