i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
