i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize
