I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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