I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
