I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
A bitchslap is in order.
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