K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Randomize
