Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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