a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Randomize
