This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
