I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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