So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
