Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
