I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
