At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
