At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
