I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
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