oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
