And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
