WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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