so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
