I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
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