How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Randomize
