I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
