Whod you bang
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
