I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Are we still banned from the library?
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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