Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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