Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
