Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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