Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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