Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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