its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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