Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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