How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
