Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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