I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
