i would punch a child for taco bell
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
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