i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
