I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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