we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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