Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize
