Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
